Archive for Misunderstandings
Workplace Misunderstandings – Limiting Beliefs that Create Conflict
Posted by: | CommentsOne comment I often hear when it comes to misunderstandings in the workplace is, “If you can just fix my (boss, coworker or customer) then I wouldn’t have any problem communicating.”
Maybe you’re even agreeing with that statement. If you are you have some work to do…inner work.
There are 4 key beliefs you might hold that lead to conflict:
1. I must explain my side first. If you believe this you fail at a fundamental principle of communication. Dr. Stephen Covey put it best, “Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.”
2. I am a good listener. Hate to break it to you but the odds are not in your favor. Most of us fail miserably as listeners while believing the opposite. Listening is not waiting to speak. It’s actually engaging to understand what is being communicated. This, unfortunately, takes some effort.
3. I’m not afraid. Really? Think again. Fear is the underlying issue of all conflict. Fear you won’t get heard, fear of losing face, fear that you might not get your way or fear that the truth about you will be revealed. It’s difficult to get to the truth when you’re operating from a place of fear.
4. I lose if they win. Communication is not a competitive, contact sport. Switch to cooperation mode if you want to manage workplace misunderstandings.
Good communication requires healthy self-esteem, self-awareness and an attitude of cooperation not competition. Approach conflicting communication styles with this intention and you’ll decrease conflict and misunderstandings.
To learn more about managing conflict in your workplace, pick up a copy of this 60 minute teleseminar:
Artist, Entrepreneur, Coach, Author and Hand Analyst
Posted by: | CommentsWhen I was a kid I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. I loved to color and sketch and make things from the big “Make It!” book my mom always had on hand. That book satisfied my curiosity about how things were made and it sparked my creativity…not to mention saving my mother’s sanity!
My curiosity about how things were made probably accounts for my passion for the act of sewing…the how-to part. (Some people sew but only because they like the end result not the process–but I loved both.)
I loved figuring out how I could use the least amount of fabric when laying out a pattern often getting a better yield than the suggested layout.
For me the “fun” part would be figuring out how to cut an “uneven” plaid so every seam of a pleated skirt would match perfectly. That’s just how my brain works.
This obsession with “figuring things out” showed up in my life in the oddest moments. I remember sitting in my office on the 34th floor looking north up 7th Avenue (in Manhattan) and watching an office building being built a few blocks uptown.
I was fascinated by how quickly progress was made and each day I walked into my office with great anticipation as to what would happen next.
But the one thing I couldn’t figure out was how the construction elevator rose above the floor that was being constructed before there even was a floor! It was like watching magic.
Finally, I could stand it no longer and broke down and called my father, a retired electrician. I said, “Pop, how do they get the elevator up when the floor isn’t even completed?”
He told me they build it as they go and explained the process.
“They build it as they go.” Seems like the same process we use to build a business. Build and add a new floor as you get a little further along. I know that’s what I have been doing.
You might have noticed these recent additions to my services: hand analysis and new coaching programs. It’s the build as you go philosophy.
I love hand analysis the same way I loved figuring out how to lay out a pattern or sew a besom pocket. There is a certain “eureka” at the end. The light bulb goes on and everything is “illuminated” as though you’ve never seen the very thing you’re looking at before.
That’s what hand analysis does. It “highlights” your innate talents and purpose. It adds a whole new layer of information that colors and adds definition and detail to an individual that may not have been “visible” before. Like holding a letter written in lemon juice over a heat source.
The message was always there…you just couldn’t see it until you had “the secret.”
Hand analysis reveals your purpose and the pattern that keeps showing up for you as a “stall” or a “wall” in front of your success. It’s the “secret” without actually being a clandestine process.
What I mean by that is that hand analysis is a repeatable process. It is not a predictive tool but a tool to help you understand yourself in the moment.
Couldn’t you use a little more light on your life purpose and your life lesson? Certainly it helped me.
Check out this April Showers Special Here: Hand Analysis for You.
Lifetime TV – The Balancing Act
Posted by: | CommentsI taped my segment for Lifetime Television’s–The Balancing Act, yesterday. Great fun!
My host, Beth Troutman, is smart and vivacious–an excellent communicator who clearly loves what she does for a living. (And, yes–she’s quite beautiful in person.) She made my interview seem like an intimate conversation between girlfriends and I’m hoping that’s what it looks like in the final production.
We talked about my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work, and why misunderstandings and the lack of honest communication (especially inner or self conversation) may be the source of so many unhappy, frustrated workers. A recent Parade poll showed that 61% of the people who responded would not make the same career choice if they had the opportunity to do it all over again. Sad statistic.
It’s why I know there is a need for Reinvention Interventions–we need to be living and doing our purpose in the world–just like Beth.
It’s not too late to join me for Reinvention Intervention: 5 Really Smart and Simple Steps to Relaunch Your Life. This 5 week teleseminar course starts Tuesday, March 15 and you can still attend at an amazingly low price. The bonuses alone make this worth attending. Read more here: Reinvention Intervention Teleseminar.
My experience with everyone I met at The Balancing Act, from the make-up artist, to the camera crew to the producer (and everyone in between) was friendly and professional, making the entire experience a memorable one. Thank you all.
The segment will air sometime in April so stay tuned for updates.
Communicating at Work–Check for Understanding
Posted by: | CommentsCommunication means (according to my desktop dictionary) to transmit a message. Yes, there is a bit more elaboration but nothing that implies the checking for the understanding of said message.
Not good enough, I say. There are plenty of examples where transmitting a message suffices but even when a memo or message is posted in the workplace there is always someone that misinterprets or questions the message.
Posted message: ” The office will be closing Wednesday at 1:00 PM for the holiday.”
Question posted: “Does that mean for everyone?”
See what I mean, even the most direct message leaves a gap. So how can we expect the numerous conversations that take place daily to be interpreted as the sender intended? No easy task.
Let’s take a look at just a couple of things you can incorporate into your conversations to decrease the likelihood of misunderstandings.
1. Allow time for your message to be processed–avoid “bump and blurt” communications. You know the scenario where you run into your boss or coworker in the hallway and blab your message as quickly as possible while still moving in the opposite direction. Really? You expect to be heard?
2. Ask for interpretation. This is the most difficult aspect of the exchange. The one question to never ask is…“do you understand?” Why? Because 99.9 percent of the time the answer is yes–when the reality is no. You can try the active or passive approach depending upon the situation and with whom you are speaking. Here are some approaches:
- This casual approach takes on the burden of responsibility: “Wait…what did I just say?” Even though you know perfectly well what you said, this approach generally gets others to repeat at least of portion of what you said. And no, if you are making a request that requires action there is no guarantee it will be carried out as you expect.
- A somewhat more direct approach allows for both processing and questioning, particularly useful after giving a long directive. “I’ve just given you a lot of detailed information.” Let’s review the first part again (you do) then you ask, “what questions do you have about this section?” This implies that there will be questions. Ask the question and then, you know…shut up. Most people don’t like to admit they are unclear about something so give them time to answer.
- Another direct approach is simply to say, “I’m curious to know if we are on the same page, tell me how you heard what I requested? Often the intent is to get other people thinking the same way you do, forgetting that rarely do people think the same way you do!
- Sometimes we fail to give enough information because we fail to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. If you request a project to be handled be sure to ask something like this…“what information have I failed to give you in order for this project to get completed on time?” (Make sure this is an open-ended question.)
Just in asking the question you might realize that you have not, in fact, given a time frame. I’ve frequently asked audience members what time frame they put around this request…“as soon as you can get to it.” You’ll be shocked to know I heard everything from 15 minutes to a week!
Admins frequently are confused about prioritization–jumping on a task that didn’t need to be done first while ignoring more urgent projects. Both parties need to ask better questions.
These are just a few ways to check for understanding. Tell me what has worked for you by leaving a comment below.
You can find more information on this topic in my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. Get it at Amazon.com today.
Communication Styles at Work–More Productivity with Less Misunderstanding
Posted by: | CommentsLearning to connect with all the communication styles in your workplace is the key to increased productivity.
Now I know you aren’t going to get along with everyone at every moment and really, that’s a good thing. Why? Because healthy conflict produces pearls (ask any clam!)
But let’s talk about those communication styles for a moment. If you are familiar at all with communication styles then you have probably heard the them referred to as: Directors or Controllers, Amiables or Relators, Thinkers or Analyticals and Expressives or Sociables.
Even if you aren’t familiar the points below apply to everyone you interact with daily:
- Respect the theme or driving principle for each style. Do they prefer to do things their way and quickly? Do they focus on accuracy at all costs? Do they prefer consensus before taking action? Or do they favor fun while getting things done? Go along with their theme while keeping your integrity intact.
- Shift your style of communicating to meet theirs if you want to be heard. Bring your energy level up or tone it down and add detail or give the big picture depending on the style you’re communication with to increase your rapport.
- To request action, to gather information communicate to each style’s preferred approach to work. Do they need the bottom line only or every last detail? Do they need cooperation and flexibility or do they want enough information to make a decision – not too much, not too little?
Support each style in the way they prefer saves you time, prevents misunderstandings and cultivates a cooperative workplace. Leave me your thoughts–what do you do to get along with others?
You can learn more about communication groups in my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. Get it at Amazon.com. If you don’t need it get it as a gift for someone that can benefit from the message.
Are You a Time-Starved Communicator?
Posted by: | CommentsEven though we live in an age with more communication tools than ever (Facebook, email, Twitter, texting), we are not necessarily more connected with the people around us.
Many of us yearn to be more connected with our loved ones and friends. In addition, we long for more effective and efficient communication in the workplace. The amount of busyness in a person’s life can hinder their ability to communicate effectively–creating costly misunderstandings.
Here are some tips to help you if you are a time-starved communicator.
1. Make a list of the most important people in your life personally and professionally–and keep your priorities straight! Note which people you would like to connect with on a deeper level.
2. Next to each name make a note about the frequency and type of your currently communications. e.g. Boss: daily email status update and a 15 min. phone meeting once a week.
3. Notice how frequently your communication is face-to-face and how often it is electronic. (This might an eye opener.)
4. Now substitute one electronic communication with a face-to-face conversation. Get up and go to your boss with your update. Vow to speak with your kids for ten minutes before bedtime. Give your spouse 215-20 minutes of undivided attention nightly. If face-to-face is not an option then try a phone call over an email.
5. Be intentional about your communication–really consider how you could up level your connection with this person.
Ultimately, increasing your face-to-face communication will actually save you time by avoiding misunderstandings and help create deeper relationships.
Get more tips on effective communication in my book Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. (works at home too!) Buy it Amazon.com
Communication Tip – Turning Resistance into Cooperation
Posted by: | CommentsMore Quick Tips from Misunderstood!: The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up (Volume 1)
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