Archive for listening
Active and attentive listening is not always easy to do-but it is critical to success. Poor listeners can damage their reputation and hurt their careers. Today I want to talk a bit about making assumptions vs. really listening.
You might be making assumptions if you answer yes or sometimes to the following questions: Do you frequently finish other people’s sentences? Do you use phrases such as “I already know that” before your have heard a complete sentence?
If you do the message you send is, “I know more than you do, so let me help you out.” This is not only rude (and arrogant) but it will brand you as a know-it-all.
Instead listen patiently, ask clarifying questions, and paraphrase the speaker’s words to ensure you really do comprehend what they are saying and intending. Seek to understand the speaker before making suppositions. This positive behavior will brand you as an excellent communicator.
What do think?
Excerpt from the book Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. Pick up your copy at Amazon today.
Asking questions can be one of the best ways to enhance a conversation, but the wrong questions can actually hinder conversation. Not all questions are created equal! Open-ended questions are friendlier and more effective than closed-ended questions. They usually start with “What” or “How”.
Here are some examples of how to change closed-ended questions into open-ended questions:
Instead of “Did you like it?” you could ask, “What did you like about it?” or “How did you like it?”
Ever try to get information from a team member or co-worker and received one or two word answers? Get more specific with the questions above.
Instead of “Are you upset?” you could ask “What’s bothering you?” or “Tell me more about how you are feeling?”
This works at home as well as at work.
Instead of “Would you like to do something else?” or you could ask “What would you like to do?” or “What would just make your day?”
Truly an invitation to share!
Instead of “Any questions?” you could ask “What questions do you have?” or “Who has the first question?”
Commit this one to memory!
Using open-ended questions requires effort. However, the effort is well worth it, especially in a tense situation. The next time you are in a tense conversation, make your questions open-ended, and watch the dynamic change. You will have a much better conversation, and the other person will appreciate your communication skills.
Get your copy of Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up - The bonus downloads are chock full of the critical communication answers you’ve been asking about. Get your book here!
More Quick Tips from Misunderstood!: The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up (Volume 1)
Listening Mistake that can Hurt Your Career from “Misunderstood!”
Posted by: Allie Casey | Comments (0)Mistake: Making assumptions. Do you frequently finish other people’s sentences? Are you guilty of using the phrase, “I know that already” before you have heard a complete sentence?
The message you send is, “I know more than you do, so let me help you out.” This is not only rude behavior, but it will brand you as a “know-it-all.”
Instead, listen patiently, ask clarifying questions, and paraphrase the speaker’s words. Seek to understand the speaker and their message before making suppositions. This positive behavior will brand you as an excellent communicator.
Copyright 2010 Allie Casey. Excerpt from my soon to be available book Misunderstood! the Fast Guide to Communicating at Work-What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. If you haven’t received your FREE 6-part audio series – The Power of Effective Communication” then get it now. Just enter your name and email in the boxes on the upper right for instant access.
Communication starts before you begin speaking. If you find that you’re frequently misunderstood then it’s time you take a look at yourself for the problem.
You must consider how your listener might be filtering your message. Is there a language barrier? If your listener speaks a different language interpreting your message may lag behind the pace of your speaking.
Do you have different cultural backgrounds, religion, education or positions? These differences could color the way your message is received.
Is your listener emotionally stable or distracted by a physical ailment? He or she may find it difficult to focus on your conversation. Do you like each other? If not, everything you say may be heard in a negative light.
Practice observing your listener for signs of confusion. Check to see if your message will pass through the receiver’s filters and still be understood as you intended. Be a responsible communicator to avoid misunderstandings.
From my new book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up — coming soon. Watch for it. In the meantime, get your FREE 6-part audio series, The Power of Effective Communication simply by entering your name and email in the box to your right.
Communicating -Remove the Roadblocks to Receiving Your Message
Posted by: Allie Casey | Comments (0)Distractions are a major cause of misunderstandings during a conversation. Help your listener by removing as many obstacles blocking the path to your message. You won’t be able to control internal filters such as mental or emotional instability, but you can be aware of physical distractions such as illness, hunger or fatigue if you’re observant, present and aware. Obvious anxiety or fear can be lessened by letting your listener know that you are aware of those emotions.
Help remove language barriers by speaking clearly, enunciating and avoiding excess words. Move to a different location if noise or visual distractions are present.
Copyright 2010 Allie Casey
Excerpt from Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say it and When to Shut-up!
Conflict Resolution Tip – Listen with Your Eyes, Ears & Energy
Posted by: Allie Casey | Comments (0)The next time you communicate with someone, especially when you are trying to resolve a conflict, practice giving them 100% of your attention. It means using direct eye contact. And, it means listening to what they’re saying and to what they’re not saying. Pay attention to body language and listen to the tone, pitch and volume of their voice to catch their true meaning.
Richard Moss says, “The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”
Giving 100% attention also means doing the difficult internal work of keeping your mind totally focused on them–not allowing yourself to focus on what you are going to say when they stop talking or wondering what you are going to have for lunch.
When you communicate, make the other person feel that, while they’re with you, they are what matters most.
For more 29 more tips and techniques get your FREE Instant Access 6-Part Audio – The Power of Effective Communication by entering your name and email in the box on your right.
I’m going to suggest that most people are poor (or at best, fair) listeners. If you don’t believe you are a poor listener than consider the list below and might walk away with a different belief. In fact, you might wonder how anyone manages to listen without misunderstanding considering all the hoops we put messages through.
Most people listen from their point-of-view or autobiographically while only a small percentage listen with true empathy. Listening from the speaker’s standpoint takes energy, awareness and understanding. It strikes me as a bit like acting. You need to portray a character but you can’t help bring yourself to the role.
Consider the filters that “color” your listening and decide for yourself whether or not your listening skills could use a little help.
1. Education Level: I bet I have your attention already. Too little education in the eyes of the listener and the incoming communication might run through the “I’m not smart enough “or” they think they are better” filter. Reverse the situation and the thoughts and you can see how much education level affects all listeners.
2. Culture: Ethnicity, customs and traditions are filters that are addressed a bit more openly, as suggested by the popularity of diversity training. Visual components that indicate or suggest a different culture may help the aware listener. He or she could use the clues as a reminder to consider how the speaker’s background might support their viewpoint. Conversely, the unaware listener uses the differences to support their own opinion.
3. Economic Background: The “I worked for everything” listener might use this filter to avoid believing the more “economically advantaged” speaker. Just as the other “message sifters” mentioned, economic background can be a barrier to empathic listening no matter which side of the economic coin you were born on. The film “Slumdog Millionaire” comes to mind as a great example of prejudicial listening.
4. Family Messages: Was your family open and demonstrative or indirect and more formal? Did you receive the message that people are generally good or generally evil? What obvious or subliminal messages did you grow up with? Consider how your viewpoint colors your listening. The challenge here is recognizing that other families may not have grown up the same way you did. Remember the first time you had dinner at a friend’s house? Was the dinner conversation lively and encouraged or were controversial topics hush-hush? Think about it.
5. Birth Order: I admit that as the middle child of seven and the first female my mediating qualities were enhanced. Listening to someone who loves conflict and takes the contrarian viewpoint just for fun is a challenge for me. How has being the only, first, last or middle child tinted your listening ability?
These are just five of the filters incoming messages go through before we hear a message. I could have included religion, personality and location but the point remains the same—listening from your audience’s perspective takes an acute awareness of your own filters first.
Practice understanding, become knowledgeable and use attentiveness as the tools to becoming a better listener. Misunderstandings will decrease and you might just learn something.
Communication at Work—5 Strategies for Developing Leadership and Building Trust
Posted by: Allie Casey | Comments (0)Trust in the workplace, trust in leadership and connecting with others were the key phrases I found in a recent search for the best selling business books. It’s a sign of the times. A lack of leadership and trustworthiness in the workplace appears to be the norm.
Leadership is something everyone in the workplace can practice—not just CEOs and business owners. Communicating trustworthiness starts with honest intention and self-awareness. Additionally, you cannot be an effective communicator or leader if you do not provoke trust in others.
Here are 5 strategies for developing leadership and establishing trust:
1. Tell the truth. Easy to say—difficult to practice. Yet truth is what your customers, co-workers, employees, shareholders and vendors want from you. If a product is going to be delivered late, if a report is not completed, if quality is a problem, if earnings are down tell the truth about it. Most people CAN handle the truth. And, it prompts others to be honest. Truth requires no managing or memorization. Tell the truth—it’s easier.
2. Take action. Leadership means evaluating the available information and moving forward. The best leaders make difficult and timely decisions with about 70-80% of the information. You may never get all the details and waiting to act may result in tragedy. Evaluate and be proactive.
3. Do what you say you are going to do. Okay, this may be a combination of the first two strategies but it bears its own heading. Both actions and inactions influence others. If you promise to return a call, handle a matter, or show up on time—follow through.
4. Be consistent. Leadership requires consistency in behavior, mood and communication both at home and at work. Nothing kills trust like incongruence between what you do and say to one person and what you do and say to another.
5. Model what you expect from others. Don’t ask others to do something you wouldn’t do. Trust is developed when you live to ethics.
Communicating leadership requires an inner confidence and an outer personality that can convey that confidence to others both verbally and non-verbally. Many leaders possess the self-confidence to perform tasks and reach goals but lack the ability to connect with people. Trustworthiness is earned through communication not just results.
If you’re serious about developing your leadership qualities start by assessing your listening skills by filling in your name and email address in the boxes on your right and grabbing your copy of my free listening skills assessment. You’ll be surprised by your answers–try it it’s fun!
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