Okay, I’ve ranted (albeit nicely) about this before but I’m compelled to do it again.
Why?
Because I just witnessed it again…that’s why.
What am I talking about? Small business owners who give talks at networking events to showcase their talents but fail to grab the audience’s attention.
Maybe this is my movement…helping entrepreneurs become powerful, effective speakers so they can serve more people!
Many small biz owners tell me they are fine speaking one-to-one with others during networking events…and that’s a great skill to have. But imagine how much more effective they could be speaking to their ideal market …one-to-many?
Certainly would leverage what they tell me they do well.
Communication is more than just your words. Your voice also adds to the meaning of your words. The message the sound of your voice sends is so powerful it may override your actual words.
Consider the words, “everything’s okay.” This phrase can mean a variety of things depending on how you say it:
“Everything’s okay.” Reassuring or soothing.
“Everything’s O-KAAY.” Sarcastic. As in, ” I told you already!”
“Uh…everything’s uh…okayyyyy.” Unsure or still checking.
Everything okay? a question.
What makes each statement be perceived differently are the three characteristics of the voice: pitch, volume and quality. Maximizing these will make you a more powerful and confident communicator.
You can learn to control all three voice characteristics. Here are a few tips:
Pitch: How high or low your voice is. Talk in a high pitched voice, as if you are speaking to an infant, and you’ll notice your voice is a bit hollow and thin. This happens because you are speaking from inside your mouth. Drop to a low voice and you can feel the sound coming from deeper in your throat. The best pitch for normal conversation is the sound that comes when you breathe fully from abdomen causing your diaphragm to expand. When you are nervous or fearful your voice may sound high or pinched because you’re breathing from the top of the lungs. Take a breath.
Volume: This is how loud your voice is. Again, the volume must come from your diaphragm and not your throat. Throat volume sounds like shouting not confidence. If people continuously ask you to speak up you’ll want to increase your volume, otherwise you may notice others ignoring you. You can practice increasing your volume by “pushing” someone across the room by the volume of your voice. Your practice partner can only move backward if they feel your voice moving them. Try it. You’ll begin to hear what a powerful voice sounds like even though it may sound too loud at first.
Quality: This is the richness, emotion and meaning your voice sends. Pitch and volume adds to the quality but so does your feelings and overall health. Notice the difference the quality of your voice has when you’re feeling sad as opposed to when you’re feeling on top of the world. This is why it is so important to smile when you are talking on the phone–people can tell!
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One comment I often hear when it comes to misunderstandings in the workplace is, “If you can just fix my (boss, coworker or customer) then I wouldn’t have any problem communicating.”
Maybe you’re even agreeing with that statement. If you are you have some work to do…inner work.
There are 4 key beliefs you might hold that lead to conflict:
1. I must explain my side first. If you believe this you fail at a fundamental principle of communication. Dr. Stephen Covey put it best, “Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.”
2. I am a good listener. Hate to break it to you but the odds are not in your favor. Most of us fail miserably as listeners while believing the opposite. Listening is not waiting to speak. It’s actually engaging to understand what is being communicated. This, unfortunately, takes some effort.
3. I’m not afraid.Really? Think again. Fear is the underlying issue of all conflict. Fear you won’t get heard, fear of losing face, fear that you might not get your way or fear that the truth about you will be revealed. It’s difficult to get to the truth when you’re operating from a place of fear.
4. I lose if they win.Communication is not a competitive, contact sport. Switch to cooperation mode if you want to manage workplace misunderstandings.
Good communication requires healthy self-esteem, self-awareness and an attitude of cooperation not competition. Approach conflicting communication styles with this intention and you’ll decrease conflict and misunderstandings.
To learn more about managing conflict in your workplace, pick up a copy of this 60 minute teleseminar:
If you are not regularly playing “mystery shopper” in your own business it just might be time to put on the dark glasses and experience your business from your consumer’s point-of-view.
Ask yourself the following questions before and during your evaluation:
1. What is your first impression–not just from a personal encounter but from all communication touch points online and offline? How does this first encounter make me feel? Was I uplifted, frustrated, neutral or apathetic?
2. If you receive your product in the mail or delivery service ask yourself if the delivery was prompt. Did the packaging hold up? Was it too easy or too difficult to open? Was there anything special about the packaging that caught my attention? Was the packaging excessive or lacking in protection?
3. What feelings came up when I open the product? Was it easy to use or complicated? Did the marketing/sales materials match the product and my expectations? How do I feel about the company as a result of this experience? Continuously rate your “feelings and perceptions” on a scale of 1-10. Is your rating continuously high Read More→
Okay, it’s not the nicest title but I bet it got your attention. More so, I bet it brought to mind a very specific person that would benefit from reading this post. Am I right?
If the person that came to mind is you–congratulations! You’ve just taken the first step to making a change.
Why is it so difficult for some people to say only what’s needed and no more?
Well, some people …
…fail to stop talking because they can’t handle silence.
… think more words will sell whatever it is they are selling including themselves.
… think they are so interesting and feel compelled to tell it all and then some.
… have no self-awareness. Yes, this is a big one.
… have little confidence in their abilities so talking covers up the fear of being asked a question he can’t answer.
You get the point, I could go on and on.
So, when do you shut up and how do you stop yourself once you’re on a rant? Read More→
I need to immediately replace my air conditioning unit–yes, the whole shebang. Why the urgency? I’m in Orlando–can you say 85 degrees plus humidity. Lucky for me I’m a warm weather gal but even I have my limits.
So I’m waiting for the second of the 3 AC services I’ve been in contact with to show up and give me a quote. Which, of course, got me thinking about how businesses communicate…you knew I was going there right?
The first contender, whom I called directly, shows up a few minutes late but he did call a few minutes prior to our appointment time to let me know he was running behind. No points off…he called promptly and I know how things go in labor service.
He explains everything and calls me to come downstairs Read More→
Nothing makes me crazier than knowing the truth about something and choosing to dismiss it.
Decades ago, I worked as a part of a merchandising/design team for a women’s sportswear company. As we developed designs for each new season we were required to present them to the president and sales manager for critique and “adoption.” In fact, the meetings were called adoption meetings! In essence, it meant your “job” was on the line each week. No matter how well we defended our choices of fabric, pattern and style, decisions were often made for what seemed like ridiculous reasons.
But this one time, the president uttered a statement that made my jaw drop. He said, “We know it’s the right thing to do–but we can’t do it.” Honestly, I no longer recall what he was referring to–but it doesn’t really matter.
Of course, what he meant was…”We know it’s the right thing to do, but we are ‘CONSCIOUSLY AND DELIBERATELY CHOOSING NOT TO DO IT!”
The thing was that there wasn’t anything stopping him from doing the right thing, he simply choose not to. This meant that everything done in relation to this decision was FALSE. A LIE. A SHAM. And that just pissed me off to no end.
And that is how I feel when someone is given a piece of truth about their life purpose and then chooses to ignore it and proceed rapidly in the opposition direction. As a coach, I’ve seen this happen time and again.
If you want to be living in your purpose, first find out what it is if you don’t know, and then proceed Consciously and Deliberately along your path and honor your truth. It will make your life so much easier and happier.
If you don’t know what your purpose is I invite to get your hands analyzed now…here’s how:Hand Analysis Now!
Every time I hear this term it makes my teeth hurt. What the heck does work-life balance mean anyway?
My work life and and life-life is all the same, BUT it doesn’t mean I allow others to intrude in my life willy-nilly. If that’s the issue you’re dealing with then you don’t need “work-life balance” you need a back-bone!
Seriously, if you choose to work for a person or organization where you know you’re giving your life away, frankly, I have no sympathy for you. But, if your understanding of privacy parameters at work doesn’t include “contact me during my nephew’s bris” then speak up. Have the conversation to confirm your understanding of when you are available and when you aren’t.
Now, if you work for yourself then you are in control even when you think you aren’t. But..but…but…yeah, yeah, I can hear it now. If I don’t take my customer’s call then I’ll miss their business. Really? Really? If that’s what you believe then that’s what you’ll get…customer’s that take you for granted and don’t see your value. You control this to the extent that you value yourself.
Think about it. If you set the example for the type of life you want to live then that’s the client you’ll attract. I bet if you think back to the last customer that canceled on you…it was the one that wanted to be “the exception to the rule.” You know, the one that always asked for an extra discount even after you’ve given them a special accommodation. It’s the client that seems to always have an excuse, or runs late, or calls you at all hours.
Grow a backbone. It will change your life. I know I’m going to hear comments on this one.
I taped my segment for Lifetime Television’s–The Balancing Act, yesterday. Great fun!
My host, Beth Troutman, is smart and vivacious–an excellent communicator who clearly loves what she does for a living. (And, yes–she’s quite beautiful in person.) She made my interview seem like an intimate conversation between girlfriends and I’m hoping that’s what it looks like in the final production.
We talked about my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work, and why misunderstandings and the lack of honest communication (especially inner or self conversation) may be the source of so many unhappy, frustrated workers. A recent Parade poll showed that 61% of the people who responded would not make the same career choice if they had the opportunity to do it all over again. Sad statistic.
It’s why I know there is a need for Reinvention Interventions–we need to be living and doing our purpose in the world–just like Beth.
My experience with everyone I met at The Balancing Act, from the make-up artist, to the camera crew to the producer (and everyone in between) was friendly and professional, making the entire experience a memorable one. Thank you all.
The segment will air sometime in April so stay tuned for updates.
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