Assertive communication means you have the right to stand up for yourself while still respecting the rights of others. Aggressive behavior is when you believe you have rights but no one else does. Passive behavior is the opposite. You believe you have no rights but others do.
Assertive behavior is finding the balance between the extremes. Obtaining that balance isn’t always easy especially with aggressive or abusive co-workers. Here are a few tips to help when a colleague slips into aggressive communication.
1. Recognize that your co-worker may be suffering from stress that isn’t visible to you. Problems in personal relationships, money woes, challenges with children, health issues or even the morning’s miserable traffic are examples of stressful events that can trigger abusive behavior.
2. Do nothing. Let your colleague vent as long as you are not in physical danger. If you sense an altercation is about to escalate remove yourself from situation–immediately. If you feel the need to say something try, “Bill, this is getting out of hand. I’m leaving now. I’ll check back in a short time and we can continue once we cool down. Avoid saying, “calm down.” Only a 911 operator should use that phrase.
3. Remember that the first wave of anger is probably not the last. Use the pause to clarify what you heard and understood. Calmly state, “If I understood you correctly…” Your co-worker’s rage is usually associated Read More→
Check out all the fun and visit the site for the host of the day. Click the link next to each day as I’ll be sharing writer’s tips and the inside scoop on how I work and what prompted me to write the book.
If you get a good chuckle from this video it’s likely because you’ve experienced something similar…hopefully, you weren’t the one speaking!
But, if you see yourself in this video don’t cringe. Just vow to change one or two things immediately. Do you fail to connect with your audience when they walk into your presentation? Next time, set up early and be ready to greet and meet your audience when they walk into the room. Getting to know them personally goes a long way to rule #1. connecting to your audience.
Want to learn more about how you can use speaking to market your business or if you want to become a better presenter to improve your career…join me for a FREE strategy session.
Okay, I’ve ranted (albeit nicely) about this before but I’m compelled to do it again.
Why?
Because I just witnessed it again…that’s why.
What am I talking about? Small business owners who give talks at networking events to showcase their talents but fail to grab the audience’s attention.
Maybe this is my movement…helping entrepreneurs become powerful, effective speakers so they can serve more people!
Many small biz owners tell me they are fine speaking one-to-one with others during networking events…and that’s a great skill to have. But imagine how much more effective they could be speaking to their ideal market …one-to-many?
Certainly would leverage what they tell me they do well.
Communication is more than just your words. Your voice also adds to the meaning of your words. The message the sound of your voice sends is so powerful it may override your actual words.
Consider the words, “everything’s okay.” This phrase can mean a variety of things depending on how you say it:
“Everything’s okay.” Reassuring or soothing.
“Everything’s O-KAAY.” Sarcastic. As in, ” I told you already!”
“Uh…everything’s uh…okayyyyy.” Unsure or still checking.
Everything okay? a question.
What makes each statement be perceived differently are the three characteristics of the voice: pitch, volume and quality. Maximizing these will make you a more powerful and confident communicator.
You can learn to control all three voice characteristics. Here are a few tips:
Pitch: How high or low your voice is. Talk in a high pitched voice, as if you are speaking to an infant, and you’ll notice your voice is a bit hollow and thin. This happens because you are speaking from inside your mouth. Drop to a low voice and you can feel the sound coming from deeper in your throat. The best pitch for normal conversation is the sound that comes when you breathe fully from abdomen causing your diaphragm to expand. When you are nervous or fearful your voice may sound high or pinched because you’re breathing from the top of the lungs. Take a breath.
Volume: This is how loud your voice is. Again, the volume must come from your diaphragm and not your throat. Throat volume sounds like shouting not confidence. If people continuously ask you to speak up you’ll want to increase your volume, otherwise you may notice others ignoring you. You can practice increasing your volume by “pushing” someone across the room by the volume of your voice. Your practice partner can only move backward if they feel your voice moving them. Try it. You’ll begin to hear what a powerful voice sounds like even though it may sound too loud at first.
Quality: This is the richness, emotion and meaning your voice sends. Pitch and volume adds to the quality but so does your feelings and overall health. Notice the difference the quality of your voice has when you’re feeling sad as opposed to when you’re feeling on top of the world. This is why it is so important to smile when you are talking on the phone–people can tell!
Don’t forget to get instant access to The Power of Effective Communication your FREE 6-part Audio Series by entering your name and email in the box to your upper right.
One comment I often hear when it comes to misunderstandings in the workplace is, “If you can just fix my (boss, coworker or customer) then I wouldn’t have any problem communicating.”
Maybe you’re even agreeing with that statement. If you are you have some work to do…inner work.
There are 4 key beliefs you might hold that lead to conflict:
1. I must explain my side first. If you believe this you fail at a fundamental principle of communication. Dr. Stephen Covey put it best, “Seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.”
2. I am a good listener. Hate to break it to you but the odds are not in your favor. Most of us fail miserably as listeners while believing the opposite. Listening is not waiting to speak. It’s actually engaging to understand what is being communicated. This, unfortunately, takes some effort.
3. I’m not afraid.Really? Think again. Fear is the underlying issue of all conflict. Fear you won’t get heard, fear of losing face, fear that you might not get your way or fear that the truth about you will be revealed. It’s difficult to get to the truth when you’re operating from a place of fear.
4. I lose if they win.Communication is not a competitive, contact sport. Switch to cooperation mode if you want to manage workplace misunderstandings.
Good communication requires healthy self-esteem, self-awareness and an attitude of cooperation not competition. Approach conflicting communication styles with this intention and you’ll decrease conflict and misunderstandings.
To learn more about managing conflict in your workplace, pick up a copy of this 60 minute teleseminar:
If you are not regularly playing “mystery shopper” in your own business it just might be time to put on the dark glasses and experience your business from your consumer’s point-of-view.
Ask yourself the following questions before and during your evaluation:
1. What is your first impression–not just from a personal encounter but from all communication touch points online and offline? How does this first encounter make me feel? Was I uplifted, frustrated, neutral or apathetic?
2. If you receive your product in the mail or delivery service ask yourself if the delivery was prompt. Did the packaging hold up? Was it too easy or too difficult to open? Was there anything special about the packaging that caught my attention? Was the packaging excessive or lacking in protection?
3. What feelings came up when I open the product? Was it easy to use or complicated? Did the marketing/sales materials match the product and my expectations? How do I feel about the company as a result of this experience? Continuously rate your “feelings and perceptions” on a scale of 1-10. Is your rating continuously high Read More→
Okay, it’s not the nicest title but I bet it got your attention. More so, I bet it brought to mind a very specific person that would benefit from reading this post. Am I right?
If the person that came to mind is you–congratulations! You’ve just taken the first step to making a change.
Why is it so difficult for some people to say only what’s needed and no more?
Well, some people …
…fail to stop talking because they can’t handle silence.
… think more words will sell whatever it is they are selling including themselves.
… think they are so interesting and feel compelled to tell it all and then some.
… have no self-awareness. Yes, this is a big one.
… have little confidence in their abilities so talking covers up the fear of being asked a question he can’t answer.
You get the point, I could go on and on.
So, when do you shut up and how do you stop yourself once you’re on a rant? Read More→
I need to immediately replace my air conditioning unit–yes, the whole shebang. Why the urgency? I’m in Orlando–can you say 85 degrees plus humidity. Lucky for me I’m a warm weather gal but even I have my limits.
So I’m waiting for the second of the 3 AC services I’ve been in contact with to show up and give me a quote. Which, of course, got me thinking about how businesses communicate…you knew I was going there right?
The first contender, whom I called directly, shows up a few minutes late but he did call a few minutes prior to our appointment time to let me know he was running behind. No points off…he called promptly and I know how things go in labor service.
He explains everything and calls me to come downstairs Read More→
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