Archive for Assertive behavior
Curious about Coaching But Afraid of What Might Happen?
Posted by: | CommentsI believe in coaching.
I’ve sought out coaching in every phase of my life. I think back to one of my very first coaches (when I was in my twenties) and can’t believe I actually did what she wanted me to do to get a raise. **
But I did it. Not only did I get a raise and a new title — I also got a car. I got a car when no one in my position got a car.
AND…I got the car I wanted, a sporty convertible, simply because I asked.
That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t gotten coached.
Good coaches make you do the things you probably don’t want to do, so you can be successful.
So really…there’s no reason not to give it a try.
That’s why I just created the “30 Minute Mentor” program. For people just like you.
Entrepreneurs, authors, service-based small biz owners, solo-preneurs, healers and other coaches.
We all need coaching.
We need it for clarity; to get perspective on a decision, to learn more about ourselves, to get answers to specific questions and for personal and professional development.
So what stops you?
Is it the fear that you’ll be sold into a long term program? The choice is always yours. I may solve the issue you have in a 30 minute session. Sometimes it’s all you need. A checkup of sorts. And then there are times you’ll desire more. But that’s your choice to make.
Is it the fear that you won’t click with the coach? Read More→
Work-Life Balance? Are you Kidding Me?
Posted by: | CommentsEvery time I hear this term it makes my teeth hurt. What the heck does work-life balance mean anyway?
My work life and and life-life is all the same, BUT it doesn’t mean I allow others to intrude in my life willy-nilly. If that’s the issue you’re dealing with then you don’t need “work-life balance” you need a back-bone!
Seriously, if you choose to work for a person or organization where you know you’re giving your life away, frankly, I have no sympathy for you. But, if your understanding of privacy parameters at work doesn’t include “contact me during my nephew’s bris” then speak up. Have the conversation to confirm your understanding of when you are available and when you aren’t.
Now, if you work for yourself then you are in control even when you think you aren’t. But..but…but…yeah, yeah, I can hear it now. If I don’t take my customer’s call then I’ll miss their business. Really? Really? If that’s what you believe then that’s what you’ll get…customer’s that take you for granted and don’t see your value. You control this to the extent that you value yourself.
Think about it. If you set the example for the type of life you want to live then that’s the client you’ll attract. I bet if you think back to the last customer that canceled on you…it was the one that wanted to be “the exception to the rule.” You know, the one that always asked for an extra discount even after you’ve given them a special accommodation. It’s the client that seems to always have an excuse, or runs late, or calls you at all hours.
Grow a backbone. It will change your life. I know I’m going to hear comments on this one.
If you still aren’t sure what your life or life purpose is, well that’s a whole other story, but if that’s the case join me for Reinvention Intervention: 5 Really Simple and Smart Steps to Relaunch Your Life teleseminar course. Starts March 15.
Misunderstandings at Work–Will Your Conversation Matter a Month from Now?
Posted by: | CommentsLearning to respond to emotionally charged conversations or misunderstandings in the workplace takes practice, patience and perspective. The key is to balance your assertiveness with constraint so you can walk away feeling good about yourself , while not leaving the other party feeling devastated.
Ask yourself the following questions before blurting out an emotional reaction during a challenging conversation. You just might gain a new perspective.
- What’s the long term impact if you say everything you want to say?
- What consequence or result will occur moments after your conversation if you do respond emotionally?
- Will the result last more that those few moments?
- What about the impact in a few hours, days, months or years from now?
- Will this conversation matter at all or will it change the course of a relationship for better or worse?
If you ask yourself these questions before blundering ahead, you’ll discover that some conversations won’t need to happen at all, but don’t make that an excuse for not having the ones that do need to happen.
Thinking about the long term impact allows you to put things into perspective. Perspective goes a long way towards guiding your tone and words, and perhaps changing your intention from hurtful to respectful.
A small shift in your behavior now can go a long way into the future…in a good way.
What’s your thoughts? You can find more information on this topic in my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. Get it at Amazon.com today.
Communicating at Work – 5 Steps for Managing Resistance to Change
Posted by: | CommentsResistance to change is a common workplace challenge. Poor communication contributes to the push-back that comes with rolling out new procedures, a change in status, a physical move or launching a new project.
The dissension can come from a single voice or the collective whole.
Try these 5 steps for gaining cooperation:
1. Spell out and communicate both orally and in writing, exactly what the changes are and how they will affect individual positions.
2. If you choose to entertain objections set a time frame and stick to it. A never ending gripe session serves no one.
3. Listen to the emotions and the underlying fears that are often couched in vague complaints such as “this will take too much time.” The fear may be that the employee will have to stay later and miss picking up their child on time.
4. Check your interpretation of the complaints by reflecting back what you have heard.
5. Consider suggestions and set a follow-up date for the outcome. Not all changes have that kind of flexibility but you might be surprised at what can be adjusted for better buy-in.
Employees simply want to be a part of something bigger. Use this opportunity to communicate honestly and create a deeper connection and the odds for cooperation will increase.
Find more tips for communicating effectively at work in my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work – What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. Buy it at Amazon.com
Assertive Communication Tip from “Misunderstood”
Posted by: | CommentsAnother tip from Misunderstood!: The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up (Volume 1)
Get your FREE 6-part audio – The Power of Effective Communication. Just enter your name and email in the box at the upper right for instant access.
Communicating at Work – Put Your Response into Perspective
Posted by: | CommentsIt’s difficult to keep your cool in an emotionally-charged conversation without saying something you’ll regret.
Consider the long term impact of your words. What result will occur moments after your conversation? Will the results last more than a few moments? What about in a year from now? You’ll discover that some conversations didn’t need to happen at all–but don’t make that an excuse for not having the ones that do.
Thinking about the long term consequences allows you to put things into perspective. And, perspective goes a long way towards guiding the tone, words, and intention of your communication.
Copyright 2010 Allie Casey
Excerpt from the forthcoming book –Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say it and When to Shut-up
Workplace Communication – Giving Negative Feedback
Posted by: | CommentsWhen giving negative feedback keep in mind the type of feedback you are providing:
* Is it to find a solution to a disagreement?
* Is it directions or information to shift a project that is going off course?
* Is it to express dissatisfaction concerning work, behavior, or productivity?
Asking these questions and making the distinction helps you keep focused on the response and behavior you are seeking. It’s easy to get distracted or go off course especially when your listener starts defending his position.
Try it. Leave your comments.
*This tip comes from my forthcoming book, “Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say it and When to Shut-Up! Watch for it.
Assertive Communication
Posted by: | CommentsTo get your FREE 6-part Audio program – The Power of Effective Communication just put your name and email int the box to your upper right (privacy respected) or go to http://www.communicationskillsuccess.com
Communication– The “Keep Your Cool” Formula – 3 Easy Steps
Posted by: | CommentsSometimes it helps to have a quick formula that’s easy to remember, easy to post where you can see it and easy to implement. In touchy communication situations when emotions might thwart clear thinking try these 3 steps:
1. Observation – Observe the pace, voice, eye-contact and posture of your listener. Pay attention to emotions, intentions, and any mental or physical distractions. Match and step it down if emotions are high.
2. Adaptation – Shift your style to communicate in the way your listener likes to communicate. A small adjustment now saves time, money and effort later.
3. Confirmation – Verify that the translation and comprehension of your message matches your intention. (and be honest about your intention-is it aligned to your highest self?)
Ready for more tips you can use? Just enter your name and email in the boxes to your upper right and get FREE Instant Access to your 6-Part Audio Series – The Power of Effective Communication now. Go. 6 short audios that can change the way you communicate. or CLICK HERE
Assertive communication techniques that allow you to express yourself clearly while still earning respect take a bit of practice but are well worth the effort. Assertive means without becoming loud, angry or irritated. And, respect is not synonymous with agreement it means with proper concern and courtesy.
Here are 5 assertive communication techniques your can practice to be heard without being misunderstood:
1. Self-disclosure is revealing information about yourself that allows others to respond to you by creating a shared vulnerability. This is particularly difficult for managers and leaders to practice as sharing personal deficiencies no matter how common or insignificant are discouraged.
“I don’t know much about…” is a powerful statement that suggests your willingness to learn is greater than your need to be right.
Using the common feel, felt, found approach can also be effective self-disclosure technique:
“I understand how you feel, I felt that way myself when the company changed hands, but then I found that by listening to their point-of view I realized we had many common values.”
2. Acknowledging without agreeing is another communication skill assertive people practice. This is especially helpful when dealing with a dissenter during a meeting or presentation.
“What an interesting thought…” acknowledges the speaker without encouraging further conversation.
“That might be true and here are my thoughts…” is another option.
3. Calm repetition of the same words is a communication skill that is useful when giving information that might not be well-received.
“My intention is to provide you with the details of the new program…” clearly stated in a firm but calm voice repeatedly until you are acknowledged and given the platform is one possible phrasing.
4.Negative assertion is a bit trickier to use and requires a neutral tone of voice. Occasionally someone may attempt to make you wrong especially regarding principles. You might try this:
“Let me understand, you are saying I’m wrong?” Again, a calm non-accusatory voice is important.
5. When a criticism has been directed at you without explanation, assertively ask for more information while repeating the negative comment.
“What is it about my sales presentation that makes you say it is difficult to follow?
These are just a few communication skills everyone can practice in the workplace to create a more respectful environment while decreasing misunderstandings.
What has worked for you? Leave your thoughts.
And, if you want more tips just like the ones above pick up a copy of my book, Misunderstood! The Fast Guide to Communicating at Work–What to Say, How to Say It and When to Shut Up. People just love how easy it is to apply.
Information Contact Allie at 407-313-4967
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